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Monday, June 17th, 2002

Time:10:53 pm.

I'm seriously crying.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:4:00 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
Randy, if you're reading this, sometimes you can be such a heartless fucking asshole. There, I said it.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 15th, 2002

Time:4:45 pm.
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that

And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember

Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing

I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I'll remember happiness
I'll remember [I'll remember]
Mmmmm... [I'll remember]

No I've never been afraid to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:3:53 pm.
Mood: giggly.
It's thundering out right now, and it's really pretty. I have to go to work in an hour and I don't really feel like it. Today has been a good day. I woke up and basically sat around all morning, but it felt good. Then around 12:30 i went out to lunch with Mike, Randy and Matt Trick. Lauren was supposed to come but she had to hang out with Adrienne. Then Mike came back to my house for a couple hours.

And something one of my friends just said to me really upset me...I'm going to have to talk to her about it. I'm crying..I think i'm partly crying because of what she said and partly because I just started listening to Colorblind..I can't get over how pretty this song is.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:11:27 am.
Mood: pissed off.
Why can't things ever work out right for once.
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Time:10:21 am.
Crandall08: idk.....all i know is ur getting screwed over...i gtg now. ttyl

Yeah, so Randy says Mike is screwing me over.
Great, just great. I'm crying.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Time:10:09 am.
Mood: confused.
Mike, Randy and Lauren came over last night for a few hours. I'm really confused as to how Mike feels right now. He says he likes me but at the same time he says that it's really weird changing so suddenly..And i don't know what he wants. I don't know if i should really start liking him alot, because I don't want to end up hurt again. I don't know how to explain it. It's just that I guess I don't want to really start getting really involved with him unless I know for a fact that something between him and I (some sort of relationship) will happen..And right now I'm not so sure that one will. Some people were saying that when he gets back from vacation this Thursday, he'll want to be in a relationship with me..but at the same time, he hasn't told his exgirlfriend anything about us. I guess he's waiting cause he doesn't want to lose a friend...but isn't that what she was supposed to expect anyways when they broke up? I mean..breaking up means you're going to date other people, and if she can't handle that then that's her own fault. I dont know, I think too much. I just really like him and I don't want to like him anymore if there's never going to be anything between us. But how will I know if there will or not? That's the question...
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Friday, June 14th, 2002

Time:5:20 pm.
To My Friend...
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge on the sorry guy who made you sad.
When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever you're choking on.
When you smile, I will know you finally got some.
When you are scared I will rag on you about it whenever I can.
When you are worried I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused I will use little words to explain it to you.
When you are sick stay away from me until you are better. I don't wanna get whatever you've got.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
This is my oath I pledge to the end. Why you ask? Because you're my friend

I hate pop up ads.
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Time:5:16 pm.

mike's coming over in half an hour.

i'm NERVOUS.....
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Time:1:26 pm.
I figured all the years we shared were proof enough to extend my hand out and help you. I know that starting can be rough. Enthused smile, you seemed grateful. I felt real good about myself. That's until the day you showed me you don't need anybody else. Why'd you have to go and make me say these things about you? Why'd you have to turn around after all that we've been through? I figured all the memories were proof enough to maybe open up your eyes; From the people that you think hold your trust. Do you ever smile and find it shameful cause you don't know who you are? I am glad you never told me. You don't need anybody else. What will you do when there's no one to fall back on? I won't be there. I've learned my lesson.. What will you do when there's no friends to fall back on? Because they've all been stepped on.
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Subject:come, champagne...
Time:1:04 pm.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, June 13th, 2002

Time:8:06 pm.
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine
Comments: Read 15 orAdd Your Own.

Time:12:08 pm.
hey mercedes xo: Did Virgil really get back together with Racheal or are you just saying that to make jess 'jealous'
GUKrawb3FT: no..he did.
GUKrawb3FT: i dont give a fuck about making jess jealous..its her own damn mistake
hey mercedes xo: How the hell would you know
hey mercedes xo: you're not even friends with them.
GUKrawb3FT: ya know what..back off.
hey mercedes xo: plus, they're not ALLOWED to be dating. its impossible.
GUKrawb3FT: im done arguing about this...dont believe me if u dotn want 2..i really could care less what u think.
hey mercedes xo: That's cause you know i'm right..
GUKrawb3FT: whatever..bye.
hey mercedes xo: haa, run from the truth...
GUKrawb3FT: i hope jess gets her heartbroken...cuz she deserves it.
hey mercedes xo: she won't.
GUKrawb3FT: yea..running from the truth...EVERYONE has seen them kissing in the halls...EVERYONE has seen them holding hands.
hey mercedes xo: Does that mean they're going out??
GUKrawb3FT: im not "allowed" to drink...i do it anyway./..most ppl dont take "im not allowed" as "whoa..maybe i wont do it then."
hey mercedes xo: i have kissed/held hands with a few guys lately.
hey mercedes xo: that doesn't mean i'm dating them
hey mercedes xo: Yeah, maybe he does still like racheal
hey mercedes xo: but that's totally different than dating.
GUKrawb3FT: stop talkling all together.
hey mercedes xo: whats the matter..can't handle it??
GUKrawb3FT: cant handle what?
hey mercedes xo:'re too stupid to understand.
hey mercedes xo: bye
GUKrawb3FT: fuck u....ur a slut.
GUKrawb3FT: bye.
hey mercedes xo: holy shit.
hey mercedes xo: I"M a slut?!?!?!
GUKrawb3FT: bye.
hey mercedes xo: ME??
hey mercedes xo: the one with the same boyfriend for 3 years?!?
GUKrawb3FT: did i stutter?
hey mercedes xo: no, retard.
GUKrawb3FT: yea...the one that treated u like shit for 3 years?...yea..that one.
hey mercedes xo: I'm not the one that tells Jess i like her, and then goes out and fucks ashley.
hey mercedes xo: Does getting treated like shit have to do with this?? At least i'm not a slut.
GUKrawb3FT: bye.
GUKrawb3FT: eric was thew best thing that ever happened 2 u...but like usual...all u girls realize that popular senior guys like u..sothings change cuz u wanna be popular...
GUKrawb3FT: later, bitch
hey mercedes xo: eric was nothing but a piece of shit, just like you
hey mercedes xo: he constantly lied to me. i did everything in my power to help him
GUKrawb3FT: fuck you.
hey mercedes xo: No thank you
hey mercedes xo: you know that just as well as i do..
GUKrawb3FT: yea..eevrything in power..thats why u were thinkiong about cheating on him.
hey mercedes xo: You're such a hypocrite.
GUKrawb3FT: and jess told me that, so dont deny it.
hey mercedes xo: Just a few minutes ago you were telling me that eric treated me like shit
hey mercedes xo: But he's the best thing that ever happened to me?!
hey mercedes xo: makes alot of sense...
hey mercedes xo: Yeah, i was thinking about cheating on him.
GUKrawb3FT: no..u treated him like shit is what i said.
hey mercedes xo: nope
GUKrawb3FT: yea..u tried to heklp him so much, didnt u?
hey mercedes xo: GUKrawb3FT (11:57:19 AM): yea...the one that treated u like shit for 3 years?...yea..that one.
hey mercedes xo: yeah, i did.
GUKrawb3FT: yea...dumbass.
GUKrawb3FT: read it.
hey mercedes xo: I'm not the one that took a brick and threw it through a window
hey mercedes xo: I'm not the one that got sent away to a detention center..
hey mercedes xo: so dont ever tell me I"M the one that treated him like shit.
GUKrawb3FT: whatever.
GUKrawb3FT: bye
GUKrawb3FT signed off at 12:02:19 PM.
Comments: Read 13 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, June 12th, 2002

Time:9:42 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
Huffy84: you're an attractive, fun, smart girl
Huffy84: i think that meets the criteria that most guys look for in a girl

I really hope Mike likes me.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Time:2:16 pm.
Mood: happy.
Got my report card today...the results were awesome.

College English Final: 99 / College English Grade for Year: 93
World Cultures Final: 99 / World Cultures Grade for Year: 99
Trigonometry Final: 87 / Trigonometry Grade for Year: 90
Pre Calculus Final: 98 / Pre Calculus Grade for Year: 96
Chemistry Final: 90 / Chemistry Grade for Year: 90
Spanish 3 Final: 87 / Spanish 3 Grade for Year: 92
Gym Final: 91 / Gym Grade for Year: 93
Graphics Final: 97 / Graphics Grade for Year: 94
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Tuesday, June 11th, 2002

Time:3:15 pm.
I thought today was going to be a bad day. My mom woke me up at 9:30 to go to the gyno..god i hated that. Anyways, I had to get blood tests done after that. I hate getting blood taken. While i was in the waiting room, my mom's phone rang. It was my sister, telling her that flowers had just gotten dropped off at our house. Mike sent me 6 roses..they're so beautiful. They're like mixed with a bunch of whitish flowers..and the card says "To rosanne, Love Mike." I got home and almost fainted. i've never recieved flowers from a boy before. I was so happy. I still am.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Pictures from Graduation
Time:3:00 pm.

Me, Mr Williams, and Lauren.

Me and Mike :)

Me, Matt and Caitlin

Lauren..with Libby in the background. This is my absolute favorite picture. It makes me laugh for hours.

Me, Mike, Lauren, and Libby being a sexy bitch.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:1:00 pm.

Some random pictures of me, Tricia, Lauren and Caitlin in hershey.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, June 9th, 2002

Time:9:50 pm.
Mood: happy.
I know alot has gone on, but it has all been such a blur. Where to start...

Thursday night was the Dashboard show which i was supposed to go to. Some confusion with the parentals left us unable to attend it. Caitlin, Lauren, Libby and I all went to the graduation instead. To be honest with you, I had more fun staying home than i would have going to the show. After graduation, Lauren Caitlin and I went to Caitlin's house. Not long after we got there, Mike Randy Virgil and Josh all showed up. I enjoyed Mike's company alot..that was the first time i've really been in someone else's arms in a really long time. It felt good, to tell you the truth. So anyways, they stayed there for a couple hours. He was tickling/scratching my back like the whole time, and it felt so good....Lauren and Caitlin told me they haven't seen me this happy in a while, and I think that's a good thing. I think it's because of the separation from Eric..i didn't realize he was bringing me down as much as he was. The next day (Friday) i had to get up and get my hair done. I got it dyed and cut. I can't really say if i like it or not, but I guess it doesn't look too terrible. It sure does feel silky though.

Friday afternoon, Lauren Caitlin and I went to the pool for a couple hours. It wasn't as fun as it used to be, that's for sure. I saw Libby and Randy afterwards and hung out with them for a few minutes. Some damn little kid rammed the seesaw up my vag. I told her it was penetrating me and she told me to sit on it right. I didn't know 8 year olds knew what penetration meant. Friday night was pretty uneventful. I basically just worked, if i remember correctly.

Saturday morning i took the ACT's. Got home around 12:30 and then went to the mall with Caitlin until i worked. Libby Mike and I were supposed to go out to Randy's cabin, but Randy decided he didn't want us there and that it would be too awkward so we came back to my house instead. I think Mike and I upset Libby, and i felt bad..but it just felt so good to have someone with me. I felt loved..even though i think love is quite an overexaggeration. I was just using the word to kind of describe how i felt. Libby left around 11 or 11:30. Mike stayed until like 2:30 in the morning..I'd have to say that's the latest i've ever hung out with a guy..except for at the after prom party. I got kicked out of wal mart for not wearing shoes. The guy came up to me and was like "are you wearing any shoes?" and I didn't really know what to say. I should have said yes..but alas, i was too shocked that he even bothered to ask. But i had another great night with Mike. I hope he did too..

Today (Sunday) was rather uneventful. I woke up, went to church, and then went to the mall and got a new bra and some other stuff. I love has clear straps. It's so cute. I got some clothes to wear in my senior pictures (they're coming up soon). I worked from 1-5 and then went to the country club pool until like 6:30. I came home and went over to lauren's for a couple hours. We went to Indian park until like 8:15 and then went back to her house and watched Atomic Twister. Nose Job. lol...And that brings me to now. It's almost 10. I'm going to try to stay up a couple more hours so i can talk to Mike online. He said he'd be on around 12...He's leaving tomarrow so I want to talk to him one more time before he leaves. I'm going to miss him alot.

Tomarriw is the Spanish trip to hershey park. Lauren Caitlin Tricia Jill and I are all going. It's going to be much fun!! I want to ride the Great Bear, dammit.

I love him?
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Friday, June 7th, 2002

Subject:couldn't have said it better myself...
Time:9:59 pm.
from the dear_you community..

dear you,

how come i can never stay mad at you no matter what you do? how come everytime you rip out my heart i still forgive you? even though i know you will do it again? why is it that everytime i think we're getting somewhere, a dead hits?

Why is that I know that we'll never be "us", but I keep trying, and hoping that you will change anyways?

Why dont you know that you're killing me this much?
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

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